


Philophobia

by ghostwiththemostbitch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining, Penis In Vagina Sex, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Protective Poe Dameron, Reader-Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwiththemostbitch/pseuds/ghostwiththemostbitch
Summary: This is kind of inspired by the song Hard For Me by Michele Morrone, for some reason when ever I hear it Poe pops in my head so I listened to it as I wrote this. You can listen to it as you read to set the vibe but you don't have to :) It's rated M for potential future chapters. I've not decided yet whether I'll do a part 2 so let me know what you think!
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Reader, Poe Dameron/You
Comments: 14
Kudos: 32





	1. An Explosive Declaration

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of inspired by the song Hard For Me by Michele Morrone, for some reason when ever I hear it Poe pops in my head so I listened to it as I wrote this. You can listen to it as you read to set the vibe but you don't have to :) It's rated M for potential future chapters. I've not decided yet whether I'll do a part 2 so let me know what you think!

Heaving an exhausted sigh as you return to base, you couldn't throw your helmet off fast enough. Practically falling out of your x-wing in your haste to feel solid ground beneath your feet, adrenaline is still crashing through your veins as you slump to the floor to catch your breath. 

It was supposed to be an easy mission but instead you'd headed directly into a trap. Dozens of TIE fighters had descended on you out of nowhere and you recall just how close you'd all been to being wiped out. 

You scrub your face with your hands as your mind plays on repeat the frantic shouts and screams of your squadron over the comms. Your Commander and best friend Poe's voice rising above it all, barking orders as he desperately searched for a way to get you all home. 

You'd seen a chance to draw fire away from the squad and you'd taken it, leading the remaining fighters on a wild chase after you and switching off your comms when Poe had screamed at you to stop and come back. 

Probably get an earful for that later, you think to yourself. But it's almost like your mind has conjured him into existence as you hear that deep, demanding voice sweep over the noise in the hangar. 

"Where is she? Let me through, where the hell is she!" 

You barely had time to scramble to your feet before the crowd had parted and his eyes were on you. For just a moment you saw them shine with relief before they suddenly turned hard as anger darkened his face. 

"What the hell was that out there!" He fumed, marching towards you until his chest was only inches from yours. 

You knew he'd be a little bit mad, he always was when you did something insane without him, but this seemed different. Fury was rolling off of him in waves, so much so that his body seemed to vibrate with it. You watched him in surprise, not able to understand the reason for his intensity. 

"Oh come on Poe don't be like that, we needed an out and I saw an opening" you shrugged smiling, hoping if you downplayed the situation he would calm quickly.

You two didn't fight, sure you bickered like an old married couple but you never let it escalate and you never stayed angry at each other. Both of you were always quick to laugh it off or apologise by supplying the other one with alcohol until they forgot why they were even annoyed to begin with. 

Apparently this wouldn't be one of those times. 

"It's Commander to you pilot" Poe snapped, eyes burning and making you reel back in shock. He never pulled rank with anybody, let alone you.

"You defied a direct order, I've got the right mind to have you grounded." 

Silence rang through the hangar as you nearly choked on air, everyone stopping to watch you both. Surely he wouldn't keep you from flying, the two of you were the ultimate team, you had never flown without each other since you'd joined.

Your spine snapped straight at his threat and Poe almost felt guilty when the look of betrayal flashed across your face. But he quickly pushed that down when you spat your next words at him. 

"Your order would of got us all killed 'Commander'! I saw a way to get the team safely out of there so I went for it! What the fuck is your problem? Can't stand the fact the poster boy didn't save the day for once?" You sneered, shouldering him aside as you barrelled past towards the direction of your room, deciding you were done with this conversation. 

Poe stares after you in utter disbelief, did you really think he was pissed because he wasn't the hero? He tries to ignore the hurt he feels imagining you could really think that low of him. He'd almost lost you, his best friend and the only person he truly felt close to. His heart hadn't returned to normal since you pulled your stunt, thumping hard and fast and now clenching painfully in his chest as you walked away from him. 

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind he took off after you, his long strides closing the distance between you once more as he caught your arm and spun you round until you were face to face. 

"You could of died! Don't you get that! You were reckless to think you could deal with them all on your own!" His eyes were ablaze as he shook you slightly, frustration boiling over when you only laughed. 

"I'm reckless?! Says the guy who's answer to everything is jumping in an x-wing and blowing stuff up! I'm surprised you weren't racing me to see who could lead them away quicker!" You bark incredulous as you snatch your arm out of his grip, ready to storm off again. You can't believe Poe Dameron of all people is lecturing you on reckless behaviour.

"At least I wouldn't of left you behind! He cries out and you turn back to him slowly, watching as his chest seems to cave in when he exhales a shuddered breath. His hands shooting up to rake through his hair, tugging on the dark curls as he tries hopelessly to force down all the emotions bubbling up to the surface.

"That's what this is? You're upset because I didn't invite you to join in on the fun?" You question, raising an eyebrow at him in confusion.

Poe lowers his hands to glare at you, a humuorless chuckle escaping him. 

"I didn't want in on the 'fun', I wanted my best friend safe, I wanted to be your back up and if you went down I'd go down right alongside you,not be sat on the sidelines watching the woman I l-" he cuts himself off before he says too much, he glances at you to see if you've caught on to his near slip but you're busy processing the rest of his speech with a frown. 

"I just want to protect you" he finishes with a whisper.

You soften marginally but you're still not fully placated . You'd been in worse situations than this throughout your friendship and never once had he reacted so strongly. 

"I don't need protecting Dameron, I've been doing this just as long as you. I know what I'm doing and you usually trust that" You can't help the hurt accusation that creeps into your voice as you cross your arms and stare him down.

He sighs as he runs a hand through his already disheveled curls. Eyes shooting you a pleading look. " I do trust you sweetheart" he offers, dragging his hand down his face suddenly exhausted "It's just-" 

"Just what Poe? If you trusted me you wouldn't of put the others at risk telling me to come back! You wouldn't be threatening to ban me from flying!" You yell. Suddenly the tables have turned and you're the one in his face confronting him, your hands twisting into the material of his flight suit. 

His eyes widen at your proximity, your outburst propelling you forward until the two of you were breathing each other's air, his back hitting the wall as he stumbles slightly before righting himself and reaching his hands up to engulf yours. He knows you have every right to be mad at him for how he's acting but he can't stop. He's bottled his feelings for too long and now they're raging like wildfire, threatening to consume you both. 

"Maybe if you weren't so determined to throw your life away I wouldn't have to try so fucking hard to keep you alive!" He spits as you roll your eyes at him.

"Since when did you give this much of a damn what I do with my life Dameron! Everyone here takes the same risk each time they step out the door, what makes me any different!" 

Each comment you make is punctuated with a jab to his chest and it doesn't take long for him to snap, snatching your hand back and spinning you until you're the one who's backed up against the wall. 

"I don't give a shit what everyone else here does! Part of me wouldn't die if they did!" He roars and the way his voice cracks pulls at you deep in your soul, causing you to finally stop and take a good look at your best friend. 

He looks absolutely wrecked. Clearly this is an argument neither of you will win, you're just inflicting pain on each other. So you force down the residual anger that burns in your throat and lift a hand to softly stroke his cheek. He watches you brokenly but a sigh of relief leaves his lips at your touch and he nuzzles your hand lightly. 

"I'm sorry okay? But seriously Poe, enough of this shit about dying. I'm not going anywhere I promise you and besides, it'd take more than a couple dozen TIE fighters to get rid of me" you joke at him, hoping to see the smile you love so much instead of the haunted look he's had since you returned. 

He pulls you into a gentle hug that radiates warmth and everything that is uniquely Poe. You've always said he gives the best hugs in the galaxy, you've never felt comfort anywhere else that can compare to when you're in Poe's arms. 

His cheek is resting against your hair as he holds you close muttering 

"They'd have to kill me first, I'll burn down the entire First Order before I ever let them take you from me."

You huff out a laugh into his chest, here is the Poe you're used to, soft, warm and so fiercely protective. The argument is seemingly forgotten but you can't help the nagging at the back of your mind from something he said. You obviously know he'd be upset if you died but to say part of him would die also? Of course it'd be the same for you if you lost Poe but that's because he's all you have. That's not the case for him though, he's close to so many people, it's like he's part of a family here. 

You say as much to him. 

"You know if the worst ever did happen you'd have plenty of people to help you through. I mean you've got Finn,Leia and Rey, not to mention the rest of Black squadron… I think you'd be-" 

You don't get to finish as his grip on you grows painfully tight.

"Don't you dare say I'll be okay if you died" he says viciously, pulling back slightly to glare down at you as you raise a hand in peaceful surrender. 

"I'm just saying you have people-"

"They're not you" he argues. 

You try and backtrack sensing he's getting worked up again. 

"I know Poe. I was just trying to say that Finn, Rey and Leia will always be there for you" you say stroking his back soothingly but his next words stop you dead in your tracks. 

"I'm not in love with them though" He mutters.

When he freezes in your arms, you realise he hadn't meant to say that out loud. Neither of you move, still holding one another like the smallest motion will release the tension and shatter you both. 

"Sweetheart…" he whispers and his voice startles the life back into your body as you rip yourself out of his arms like he'd burnt you. 

He looks terrified, gone is the cocky Poe Dameron, golden boy of the resistance. His warm eyes are cautious and almost begging you to stop and hear him out but yours are already searching for a way to escape, a hand held out to stop him coming closer as you try to quell the rising panic. 

"You don't mean that, you can't possibly mean that…" you choke, shaking your head to try and convince yourself you hadn't truly heard what you thought you had. 

Poe tries to take a step closer but you nearly trip trying to back away so he settles for putting his hands up in what he hopes you see as non threatening gesture.

"I do. I do mean it. I- fuck sweetheart, this isn't how I wanted you to find out but I would never lie about something like this. Not to you… I love you" He murmers gently.

A small sob sounds from your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks and Poe feels his heart crack. 

"No,no,no you can't, you have to take it back" you beg him and you feel like ripping your own heart out when he shakes his head sadly, his shoulders slumping in defeat. 

"Please take it back, I can't-" your words cut out as you whimper.

"You can't what? Love me back?" His voice is so small, thick with pain and withheld emotion. 

"Poe it's not… I just… I'm sorry" you cry, there's nothing you can allow yourself to tell him that will make this okay. So you do what you've been doing for years before you found the Resistance and found Poe. 

You run.

You run until you have no tears left and the sound of Poe screaming your name after you is just a faint echo in your mind. You collapse when you make it back to your room, crumbling under the weight of your grief. 

You're a monster, you think to yourself. You've torn out Poe's heart to save your own. 

You try to reason that it's for his own safety. Everyone who has ever loved you or been loved by you has been killed so you've become convinced that being close to you carries a death sentence. And your heart can't take it anymore.

When you'd decided to join the Resistance you'd promised yourself no attachments, keeping yourself away from everyone so no one could hurt you or be hurt because of you. You'd join the fight, hopefully rid the Galaxy of evil and then settle down somewhere quiet by yourself.

That was the game plan. 

But then you'd met Poe. Brave, charming, beautiful Poe who didn't give up until he'd worn down every barrier you had constructed against him, leaving you with no choice but to let him in. 

And you'd figured maybe you could be allowed this. You could live with only ever having Poe. Nothing bad would come from letting yourself have just one friend right?

You'd grown selfish with every smile, laugh and hug he freely offered and you quickly couldn't face a life without him. But now you were going to lose him anyway and he'll never even know the truth. 

That you're in love with him too.


	2. A Realisation Made Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Philophobia will now have 3 parts because instead of giving them a happy ending in this chapter I decided to up the stakes slightly and hurt us all a little more because I'm nice like that.  
> I was listening to A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope whilst writing this so you can listen to it whilst reading if you want to set the vibe. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

Light softly begins to filter through the room signalling the arrival of dawn as you roll onto your back for what feels like the millionth time. Sleep has evaded you no matter how desperately you try to grasp it and your eyes are swollen and irritated from the endless tears you've shed. Each time you try to close your eyes Poe's face flashes through your mind and his anguished cries echo in your ears, causing a fresh waterfall of tears to cascade down your cheeks.

  
Your body has long gone numb but your heart aches, a deep yearning to reach out for Poe. So badly wishing you could run to him and apologise and beg for him to hold you but how can you? How will the two of you ever recover from this?

  
Staring at the ceiling you try to imagine your life without Poe Dameron. A life devoid of his warm, easy smile and infectious laugh,one where you'll never hear another of his cheesy jokes as he attempts to pull laughter from you or look into his soft, honeyed eyes as he whispers words of comfort when you're upset.

  
A dry sob bursts from your lips when you think of how you'll never feel again the way the two of you fit together as you trade stories and secrets in the dead of night. Like pieces of a puzzle perfectly in place you could almost believe you were born to hold one another, the crook of his neck destined to cradle your head as you breathed him in.

  
Turning over you try not to dwell on what he could be doing right now, if he was asleep or if like you his thoughts torment him and chase away that possibility. Was he wondering about you too? Or had he returned to the hangar to tinker with his x-wing as he did so often when he was stressed or hurting.

  
Raising a hand to scrub your face you let out a frustrated huff, so much for not thinking about him but you should of known what an impossible feat that was. Poe was never absent from your thoughts, always nestled safely into the corners of your mind just like he was with your heart.  
Nothing you could have done would have ever kept Poe from claiming either, the strongest defences in the galaxy couldn't hold up against him, you've never stood a chance.

  
Loving him is effortless like breathing, you do it without even realising. When you had discovered that you feelings ran deeper it was too late, it felt too good to stop. Being in love with him was everything, the thrill the first time you flew together, the comfort of coming home to a candle lit bath after stepping in from the bitter cold and the unfiltered joy of being sat round a fire with friends when all of you are safe and there was no losses that day.

  
Poe gave you all of that and more and you found yourself never wanting to return to the hollowness you'd carried before he'd entered your life.

  
You contemplate the rules you had set many years ago, to live a life alone so you'd be free from pain and heartbreak. Not really working out for you now are they, you think frowning, you've turned away from the love of your life and brought upon you both a heartbreak that has ripped through your very soul.

  
Your eyes widen suddenly as you bolt upright and your hand covers your mouth faintly in shock. Did you really just think of Poe as the love of your life? Exhaling a shaky breath you try to gather your scattered thoughts into a semblance of order, could you really picture spending the rest of your life with Poe?

  
Yes, without a doubt.

  
You had loved others before closing yourself off but you'd never been able to imagine a future with them, always blaming the uncertainty of war as to why you couldn't see ahead. With Poe you saw it all and it overwhelms you with how badly you want it.

  
Fuck what are you going to do? Could you go to Poe and explain? Would he even listen or would he turn you away the second he laid eyes on you. Your heart clenches painfully at the thought of him refusing to see you, but it was no more than you deserve. You've hurt him, he doesn't owe you a second chance.  
Maker, you're talking yourself out of this idea even quicker than your mind can keep up with. You'll just leave it and stick to your rules, they've kept you safe and protected all these years haven't they?

  
Sure if safe and protected is code for lonely and empty.  
You've bent the rules once and experienced a taste of heaven with Poe by your side.  
What if you completely smashed them to pieces and set them on fire just for good measure?

  
You hesitate for a moment.

  
"Fuck it!" You exclaim, scrambling out from underneath the covers and almost tumbling out of the bed. You flit around your bedroom trying to decided what to do, do you shower first and make yourself presentable? Fuck no, not enough time, you need to see Poe now. This can't wait any longer, you think, yanking open some drawers to drag clean clothes over your body. Besides Poe has seen you in much worse states than emotional and sleep deprived, playing nurse to you when you were sick or just really badly hungover. He wouldn't even bat an eye at your appearance right now.

  
You're falling out the door as you pull your last shoe on, taking off at a run towards his quarters. You'll check there first as it's closer. The beginning of a smile creeps on your lips as you race through the empty corridors, the first few tendrils of hope curling around your heart. Reaching Poe's door you fumble when punching in the code, nerves flaring but when you step through the room is empty, bed obviously not been slept in and there's no BB-8 either. He must be in the hangar you think, letting the door slide closed before sprinting off again.

  
You're glad of the early hour, no doubt you would attract alot of attention otherwise with the way you're tearing through the corridors like a woman possessed.

  
It's quiet when you reach the hangar, footsteps echoing as you walk to where Poe's x-wing usually resides. Your hands begin to shake and you twist your fingers together to try and keep them steady. Sucking in a deep breath as you try and think of what to say when you see him, you're frantically discarding scenarios in your mind as you walk.

  
Maker this was a bad idea, everything you say in your head sounds pathetic or insufficient for the enormity of the conversation you're about to have. Your heartbeat quickens rapidly as your mind blanks and spins, halting you in your tracks and you force a deep calming breath. Though you're nervous you have no reason to truly be scared like this, it's just Poe you remind yourself. No matter how upset you've been with each other you've never been unable to talk if one of you needed to, it was one of the many beautiful things about Poe, even when he himself was hurting he could never stand to see another suffer if there was something he could do about it.

  
Feeling confident once more you continue on your way but soon your confidence gives way to confusion as you stop infront of the vacant space where Poe's x-wing should be. He must of took off in the middle of the night you suspect, disappointed, he does that sometimes when nothing else can clear his mind of whatever plagues him.

  
But as you retreat from the hangar and back to the emptiness of your room you can't help but feel in your gut that something isn't quite right.

Re-emerging a few hours later freshly showered and dressed you head back to the hangar, frowning when you find Poe's x-wing is still absent. The unsettling feeling in your gut returns and you decide to try and track down anyone that be able to tell you where he's gone. Finn will be your best bet, if Poe doesnt check in with you then it's Finn who typically is given the heads up. You find him having breakfast with Rey and Rose in the cantina, greeting them all with a smile and a wave as you approach the table before turning to Finn.

  
"Can I speak with you privately for a sec?" You ask, gesturing to an empty table in the corner. Finn nods, getting up to follow you and as he sits opposite you, you can't help but notice his smile appears the slightest bit uneasy.

  
"Finn do you know where Poe's gone?" If you hadn't been watching so closely you might of missed the uncomfortable shift in his posture.

  
"He's just gone off world for the day, mentioned he wanted to get away for a bit." He says smoothly, glancing at you quiclky before his eyes dart elsewhere.

  
"Are you sure? He never usually disappears for so long for personal reasons." You question and Finn forces a cheery smile, patting your hand before getting up to leave.

  
"Don't worry, he'll be back before you know it" He says breezily and a part of you thinks he's trying to convince himself as much as he's trying to convince you. You narrow your eyes when it hits you, Finn is worried, it's not enough to be immediately noticeable but it's there and it's enough to make your stomach churn.

  
"Finn I know you're lying, where is he?" You whisper and he sighs before turning back to you.

  
"Recon mission. Nothing too dangerous for him but he left in the middle of the night. Leia said it could wait until morning so he could take another squad member but he wanted to go alone."

  
Your flinch knowing he'd been too upset with you for him to consider taking you but going alone just seemed reckless. You almost laugh, here you are thinking the same thing Poe had thought of you yesterday when you'd allowed the TIE fighters to hunt you.

  
You really are one hell of a pair.

  
"Why didn't you tell me to begin with?" You say confused and Finn looks at you sympathetically.

  
"He didn't want you to know, he suspected you might try to follow and he doesn't… he doesn't want you there" he admits.

  
Wow, okay that hurt. You knew he had every right to not want you around but you couldn't lie and say it didn't sting. Sheepishly you thanked Finn before getting up to leave, wandering back towards the hangar to work on your x-wing until Poe returned. Despite his apparent anger you'll still tell him everything you promise yourself. He has to know you love him and that walking away from him yesterday was the worst mistake you've ever made. You just hope he's capable of forgiving you.

A couple of days go by and the pit in your belly has grown until it gnaws at you every second of the day. Recon missions didn't usually take that long, especially now when being out in the open was so dangerous. They were a quick in and out. And Poe was quicker than most, normally complaining that he found them boring.

  
No one seemed to share your worry either and you were growing increasingly frustrated at being told "he'll be back soon" or "You're just being paranoid" when you voiced your concern.

  
Unable to concentrate on the simplest of your tasks, you were going to lose your damn mind if you didn't find out what was going on.  
Maybe you should just blast down the door to command and demand answers, no you laugh to yourself, Leia would kick your arse and then demote you. You might be one of her favourites but there was only so much you could get away with.

  
As you ponder the pros and cons of being demoted the shuffle of boots and the soft call of your name draw your attention. Climbing out from underneath your x-wing your eyebrows raise in surprise when you discover Rey waiting for you.  
She gives you a small wave before saying gently.

  
"Leia would like a word with you."

  
Wiping your hands on your flight suit you simply not and gesture for her to lead the way. Your mind is working overtime as you follow her, if the General has sent Rey to find you then it must be important. Has Poe returned with something big? No of course not, you chastise yourself for momentarily getting your hopes up, you've been in the hangar day and night hoping to be there when he returns, you'd know if he was back.  
The silence is beginning to rub your nerves raw and you turn to Rey.

  
"What's this about?" You question and when she looks at you the black hole in your stomach intensifies. She's on edge, her mouth in a tight line instead of the gentle smile you're used to and she shakes her head before responding.

  
"I think it'd be better if Leia explains things to you." And you're left with no choice but to wait.

  
Your nerves sky rocket when the door to the command room slides open and your eyes land on Leia, Finn and the rest of Black Squadron. Something must of happened to hold a meeting this private and your heart sinks in your chest, already knowing the reason you're there though your mind refuses to catch up.

  
Hesitantly stepping into the room you scan each person's face, from the Finn's distraught expression to the grave glint in the eyes of your team and then back to Leia. She's watching you with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes and she appears almost wary as you approach.

  
"General what's going on?" You have to cough to clear your throat,voice cracking from the stress you feel. She beckons you closer, drawing you into her as she sighs.

  
"Captain, you're aware of the recon mission that Commander Dameron recently went on alone?" She questions gently and you nod, swallowing harshly. She visibly steels herself before informing you.

  
"There's been a problem. I was concerned the Commander had yet to return or even check in, so I sent some of your team to check the area" She recalls and you briefly wonder why you hadn't been sent when suddenly your brain stutters as you realise what she's inadvertently trying to explain. Members of your team have gone and come back from the area but still Poe hasn't.

  
"Leia what are you telling me" you croak as she places a comforting hand on your shoulder.

  
"Maybe you should see for yourself" she murmers, pressing a button on the holopad infront of her.

  
The image of a destroyed x-wing blares before you and your eyes widen in horror, you'd know that particular x-wing anywhere.

  
It's Poe's.

  
A strangled cry rips from your chest as you clutch the table to keep your knees from buckling. Leia winds an arm around your waist should you fall and she's whispering words into your ear that you struggle to decipher through the numbing buzz that sweeps over your body. Your mind is screaming his name whilst you chant "No, no, no, no, no" over and over again but then the fog clears and you hear clearly what she's been trying to say.

  
"He's not dead Captain, we're sure of it. Your team went down to to search the wreckage and there wasn't a body, he's alive." You think this is mean't to be reassuring but it's far from it. If he's alive why hasn't he come home to you?

  
"If he's not dead then where the hell is he!" You shout, wrenching yourself out of Leia's grasp to whip round and glare at the others in the room.

  
"Why the hell wasn't I the one sent to track him!"

  
It's Finn who meets your murderous gaze with his own steady and full of understanding.

  
"If you'd discovered the wreckage would you have returned?" He questions knowingly and you scoff.

  
"Of course not! I would have gone to find him!"

  
Leia crosses her arms as she turns to you shaking her head.

  
"That's exactly why I didn't send you." she reasons before adding sadly "And it's a good job, otherwise they'd have both of you."

  
Your face pales and you feel sick, your already sure you know but you need to hear someone say it.

  
"Who's taken him?" You whisper.  
Leia nods as she looks to Finn, who closes his eyes in pain before raising them to meet yours.

  
"The First Order has him."

  
The ground shifts and you stumble forward, panic turning the blood in your veins to ice as your mind floods with images of what you're best friend could be facing right now, alone.

  
"I have to go get him." You whisper and the silence that follows is deafening as everyone stares at you.

  
"You can't, you'd be shot down before you even got close and Poe would never forgive us for letting you go." Finn announces but you refuse to hear it, you feel like you can sense Poe calling out for you and it's tearing you apart.

  
"I don't give a shit!" You seethe. "They have Poe! Poe Dameron! Our best friend and your Commander!" You bellow, whirling on your team who one by one avoid meeting your glare.

  
"Enough Captain!" Leia reprimands. "You cannot take on the First Order alone and I will not allow you to die trying to be a hero! We don't have the fire power for a rescue mission so we'll have to brainstorm a different solution." She's so calm and it causes your blood to boil as you fix her with an outraged stare.

  
"With all respect General, I will not sit around a table discussing options whilst the man I love is tortured! I'm going to bring him home whether you like it or not!" You spit, making your way swiftly towards the door when she calls out to you.

  
"Leave this room and you'll be demoted." Her voice is stern but it doesn't inspire fear in you as it usually does, instead you turn to her over your shoulder.

  
"Demote me, I don't care. I need to find him." You challenge and her eyes soften as she sighs. For a moment you think she'll let you leave but then she gestures to Finn and Rey before looking back to you.

  
"I'm sorry about this Captain." She mutters sorrowfully.

  
Rey is blocking your path to the door, walking towards you slowly with a hand raised and you balk as you figure out what she's going to do.

  
"No, no Rey please don't! Rey please, I need to find him!" You beg but she only shakes her head, eyes sad as she comes closer.

  
"He needs us! He's all alone, we can't just leave him! I need him! I need to tell him-"  
You're cut off as Fin wraps his arms around you, tight enough to hold you in place but careful not to cause you harm as he whispers apologies. Sobs are bubbling out of your throat as you thrash in his arms, tears pouring down your face as you wail.

  
"Poe! POE! No Rey, Finn let me go, please let me go! I have to bring him home! POE!" You cry brokenly, chest heaving when Rey reaches you.

  
"Please…" You choke.

  
She glances down hesitating before taking a deep breath and lifting her chin to look at you, resolute.

  
"Please forgive us, we just want to keep you safe." She murmurs as her hand waves over your face and she whispers "sleep".

  
You crumble and Finn sweeps you up into his arms, carrying you gently back to your quarters. Poe's name on your lips and the image of him in your mind the last thing you see before darkness overtakes you.


	3. A Love Returned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said this would be the last part... but I lied. Please don't hate me. The chapter would of been too long had I squashed it all in here so I'd rather do another chapter instead of rushing it to fit it all in.   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!
> 
> Song rec for this chapter is Wings by Birdy.

Days drag by as you're essentially held captive by your friends. You've been declared a risk to your own safety aswell as others on the base, too reckless to be allowed to roam free without an escort. It infuriates you but deep down you know the General is right in her assumptions, given half the chance you'd dive into your x-wing and go after Poe. You'd attack anyone who stood in your way and that included members of the Resistance.

Rey and Finn guarded you the most and bless their hearts they tried to make it fun, like you were just hanging out together as friends but you weren't stupid, you knew why Leia assigned them to you. They stood the best chance against you should you rebel, the General banking on your emotions working against you to make you hesitate harming them. Smart.

They're absent today though, stuck in some pointless meeting no doubt, and there's a timid little creature guarding your door who'd been too scared to even say two words to you when you'd popped your head out in greeting. Stories of the Captain of Black Squadron turning feral and dangerous over the loss of the Commander had spread like wildfire and it seemed many feared they'd be casualties in the lengths you'd go to rescue him.

You sit on your floor pouring over old photographs of you and Poe, fingertips tracing over your best friend's smiling face. It's been a week, seven excruciating days since you were called to see the General and had your world thrown into chaos and drowned in agony.

When you'd woken from the force induced sleep your rage had been all consuming. You'd screamed, thrashed and clawed as Finn fought desperately to keep you contained but you were blind to everything except pure unfiltered fury and you would've burnt the entire base to the ground had Rey not put you under again. The second time you awoke the anger had drained from your blood like poison, replaced by grief that crashes into you with the force of a tidal wave and your friends are helpless but to watch as you curl in on yourself, gut wrenching sobs wracking your weary frame.

Now you sit day after day slowly detaching from reality the longer Poe is gone. Your friends try and keep your spirits up, feeding you pieces of information regarding plans for a rescue but you just nod along dully. You suffocate slowly from self loathing as you contemplate if the tables were turned he would have you rescued within hours yet all you can do is sit here, not even involved. Poe would be ashamed you tell yourself.

You've even convinced yourself it's your fault he's been captured, after all if you hadn't let your fear push him away he would have took you with him like always and you would have kept each other safe. All the pain that he endures may aswell be inflicted by your own hands and if he dies… no, you can't go down that path. A world without Poe hurts too much to even consider.

You sigh as you flick through more photos, there's so many of the two of you, Poe never missed an opportunity to pose victoriously with you wrapped in his arms and his cheek pressed against yours proudly after another successful mission. Your eyes land upon one taken after you'd pulled one of your most ridiculous stunts to date, laughing lightly as you recall Leia's furious voice berating you both over the comms, shouting about thick skulled pilots never listening to orders. That day had been a major win under the Resistance's belt and it had been thanks to you and Poe.

You remember flinging yourself out of your x-wing immediately upon landing, feet propelling you towards a whooping Poe Dameron who was already racing your way. As soon as he'd reached you he'd hooked his arms round your waist and your knees and swung you triumphantly into his arms, spinning you both around as you'd shrieked and laughed.

The photograph is blurry, taken whilst Poe was in motion but you adore it all the more for it. Your head is thrown back, radiating joy as you laugh and Poe is beaming down at you cradled in his arms. It's messy, imperfect and your absolute favourite photo you own, it screams of the love between you.

Tears splash down on the shiny surface and you realise you're not as cried out as you previously had believed. Sniffling, you despair at how much you miss him and then let out an amused huff when you imagine how smug he'd be if he saw your worried state, he always preened under your attentions when you were concerned for him. Sometimes you think he deliberately scared you just to have you fuss over him and oh how you wish this was one of those times.

You drag yourself up and onto your bed, flopping down and rubbing your tired eyes with one hand whilst the other clutches the photo to your chest. Maybe it would bring you the comfort you needed to sleep tonight, it's evaded you every night since Poe was taken and you've only been able to manage a few fitful hours every now and again. It's taken Rey and Finn sitting with you at night to gain those few hours, growing dependant on their warm embrace and soothing words to hold the nightmares at bay.

It devastated you the first time you'd woken in Finn's arms, his build and the smell of cologne tricking your confused brain into believing Poe was here and everything was normal before reality shattered the illusion and Finn had held you as you'd broken down.

Curling up on your side you hold the photo to your lips as you whisper a silent plea for Poe to hold on a little longer. You'll have him back soon, your heart is sure of it, you might be bound to this room but nothing would keep Poe from coming home to you if he set his mind to it. You hope.

Feeling the pull of sleep your body almost surrenders before it jolts violently at the sound of a commotion outside your door. You've only slightly raised yourself up on your elbows when a flustered Finn bursts through your door and you can't help the light snark in your voice as you chastise him.

"What the hell Finn, I was just about to fall asleep! I swear if you're barrelling in here with another stupid, half assed rescue plan from those idiots I'm gonna-"

You stop short when a whirl of white and orange steam rolls past Finn, almost bowling him over before stopping inches from your bed frame.

"BB-8" you whisper and the droid beeps at you excitedly causing you to suck in a sharp breath.

You slowly turn to Finn, searching his face for any hint of a lie though the appearance of BB-8 should be proof enough but your heart is too scared to accept it. Finn's mouth is opening and closing rapidly like he's desperate to say something but the words won't form, his eyes however are blown wide with disbelief and… overwhelming happiness? It can't be.

Time stands still before ever so slowly, he nods.

A wounded cry bursts from your lips and you're launching yourself from the bed and out of the door. You hear Finn shout at your guard to let you go but you don't even turn to see if you're being pursued. BB-8 races ahead of you, leading the way as your bare feet slap against the ground whilst you run, each smack sounding like an echo of Poe's name in your ears and you can almost sense the connection between you growing warmer as the distance becomes less.

People press themselves against walls as you careen through the corridors and you must look insane you think fleetingly. Your dressed in sleep shorts and one of Poe's old shirts, hair wild, barefoot and tears streaming down your face but you don't give a shit. Blood is thundering in your ears and hope is like lightening in your veins as you all but explode into the hangar, you've lost sight of BB-8 and your head whips back and forth violently as you search for any sign of him or his owner.

There.

You spot a larger crowd gathered around a battered old fighter and your breath sticks in your throat as you slowly creep closer. Your heart is hammering in your ribs and you think you might faint as you begin pushing your way through, the first few people are reluctant to move for you but when they turn and recognise who you are a ripple runs through the crowd and it begins to part.  
Your body goes rigid as one by one people fall back, the mass thinning from the middle until there's a wall of people on either side of you and finally as the last few bodies fall away, you see him.

The oxygen evaporates from your lungs as your eyes drink in the sight you've yearned for so achingly since you walked away from him, his inky curls are a disaster compared to their usual effortless perfection, his skin is scattered with bruises and streaks of blood and his favourite jacket has been torn across the shoulder. But even looking worse for wear there's no denying it's truly him infront of you and he's thankfully in one piece.  
He hasn't noticed you yet and your throat has tightened to the point you couldn't even call out if words were able to come to you.

There's a member of Black Squadron clapping him on the back furiously amidst the cheering but Poe turns away when BB-8 starts nudging his legs, you watch him bend down and your knees almosy buckle when his voice drifts over the crowd and wraps around you.

"What was that buddy?"

You can't contain the sob that rips free from your lips and your hands shakily cover your mouth as Poe shoots up from the floor and whirls around to face you. His eyes widen and his lips part around your name as he stumbles, breaking into a run as you launch yourself forward.

You collide in the middle of the crowd and the momentum sends you both crashing to the ground. His arms are around you in an instant, dragging you both to your knees and you closer against him as he buries his face in your neck and whispers your name repeatedly like a prayer. You're choking on your tears as you grasp at him, hands clutching his arms, his back, cradling his head and finally his face as you pull back a fraction to take him in up close. His face is a mosaic of injuries but in this moment he's never been more beautiful, he's alive and back where he belongs. Shaky puffs of air escape you as he presses his forehead to yours, a gesture so familar you could weep at how right it feels, he smiles hesitantly when he notices your eyes tracking his movements as his fingers wipe away the wetness lingering on your cheeks.

"Hi." He whispers, nudging your nose softly with his as you stare at him, a disbelieving laugh echoing from your mouth at his audacity.

"Poe Dameron you fly off on your own, get yourself captured, return a week later looking like absolute shit and all you have to say for yourself is hi?!" You berate him with mock outrage, shaking you head when he grins down at you and winks.

"Just a few scrapes, nothing I can't handle. You weren't worried about me now, were you?" He teases, smirking and stars you'd normally threaten to knock that smirk right off his perfect face but you've missed him too much, fear of never having another moment like this with him still clinging to the edges of your mind and causing fresh tears to gloss your eyes.

Poe's smirk falters as he finally let's himself take you in for the first time. Your hair hangs limp and there's dark circles imprinted beneath your wet eyes that inform him he's not the only one who's suffered horrendously this past week, you look wrecked and his heart aches to think he's the cause of your pain. If only he had pushed aside his wounded pride and taken you with him, none of this would have happened.

"I'm sorry-" you both blurt out and you laugh quietly whilst Poe shakes his head in confusion.

"Sweetheart what could you possibly have to be sorry for?" He asks you, concerned when an anguished look flashes across your face.

"It's all my fault Poe!" You cry, taking him by surprise. "If I'd just listened to you on that mission we would have never had that horrible fight! I wouldn't have hurt you and you wouldn't have been so mad you left without back up. You could have died Poe and it's all my fault! I nearly lost you and I've only got myself to blame, I'm so sorry!" You wail, shoulders shaking with the force of your agonised cries and your tears soak his shirt as you sag against him, your outburst destroying the last of your strength.

Poe is stunned, he'd been so desperate to return to you and beg for your forgiveness that he'd never considered you'd blame yourself for his actions. He should have known better, he knows you. He's replayed that night with you so many times whilst alone in his cell, punishing himself for thrusting his feelings apon you and making you feel like you had no choice but to run. Of course it hurt that you didn't love him as he loved you but he couldn't be mad at you for it. And now you're crying and apologising to him, guilt making you ill as you shoulder the weight of his stupid mistakes. He's devastated, he feels like he's the worst best friend in the galaxy and if this is how he makes you feel then he doesn't deserve an ounce of your love.

One of his hands softly rakes through your hair as he shows away those from the crowd that still linger with the other hand before rubbing it over your back.

"None of this is your fault sweetheart." He mutters against your hair, sighing sadly when you continue whispering "I'm sorry" like a mantra.

"Shh it's okay, it's okay honey I'm here now." He rocks you before gently pulling you to your feet and bending down swinging you up into his arms. You let out a tiny squeak as you're lifted, arms winding tightly around his neck as you half-heartedly glare up at him in shock. He huffs a small laugh and you lower your head to his chest when he gives you a soft squeeze of reassurance as he carries you out of the hangar.

People are gawking at the two of you but Poe just marches past, completely focused on the way his chest has warmed at the feel of you cradled in his arms as he walks. Your head lolls against his shoulder with each step and for a moment he thinks you've fallen asleep but every minute or so he catches you sneaking glances at him, nodding to yourself when you're convinced he's real and not a figment of your imagination.

He smiles but it drops just as quickly when he realises you must of woke searching for him over this past week and he wasn't there, his grip on you tightening as if he can mold you both together and fill the cracks in each others souls. You stir when he stops infront of his door and you look around dazed.

"Sweetheart can you do the honours?" Poe asks, nodding for you to enter his code and you wonder why he doesn't just put you down, though secretly you wish he never would. For now your rather concerned as to why you're at his quarters and not the medbay.

"Poe what are we doing here? You need checking over by a doctor." You chastise him but he just shakes his head quietly as he pads over to the bed, placing you down against the pillows carefully. His eyes rove over every inch of your face as he takes a seat beside you, fingers reaching up to graze your cheek.

"I don't need a doctor, I just need this." He whispers.

Stars, you're surprised you haven't melted into a puddled right there with the way he's looking at you, like you've hung all the stars in the sky, but before you can respond the look passes and a strange shadow falls over his features as he draws away from you. Discomfort is rolling off of him in waves as he pulls away completely, grabbing some sleep pants from a drawer before turning back to you.

"Sorry I didn't mean to-" he mumbles suddenly unable to look in your direction. "I'm just gonna go shower, make yourself comfortable." He rubs at his neck before heading for the fresher, head hung low and shoulders slumped.

You stare after him bewildered, what the hell just happened? Was he still mad at you? You thought after your emotional reunion that there was hope that things would be okay between the two of you. The way he'd looked at you during that moment when he'd laid you down and touched your cheek. His eyes had been brimming with what you could only describe as…love.  
Shit. Love.

Poe doesn't know that you love him, you'd been too blown away by his return that you'd forgotten the promise you'd made to yourself to tell him as soon as you saw him. No wonder he withdrew from you so suddenly, he probably thought he'd overstepped and expected you to bolt again. You feel like punching yourself in the face. This beautiful, kind and amazing man was doubting himself and every move he made around you know because you couldn't face your fear and be honest about your feelings.

You almost throw yourself through the fresher door before you force yourself to sit still and think. Being faced with a naked Poe would definitely hinder your ability to tell him how you feel, it'd probably hinder your ability to speak at all, you think, as you feel a flush bloom beneath your skin at the thought.

You need to tell him but you're almost positive he won't believe you, you know how Poe's mind works, he'll think you're only saying it as a friend who's thankful he's no longer held captive. The thought of his suspicious gaze on you and the potential for him to react negatively makes you feel queasy. You've just got him back, you don't want to risk pushing him away again.

You're lost inside your head when Poe comes back into the room and the noise from the fresher door makes you jump guiltily as your eyes snap out of their trance and dart to him and oh maker, where is his shirt? Your tongue has turned to sand in your mouth and you swallow harshly, trying to look anywhere that isn't in the direction of his beautiful tanned skin. There's water still dripping from the planes of his chest and you stare pointedly at the wall desperately trying to avoid tracing the paths they make down to the pants slung low on his hips.

Poe eyes you curiously at first before a slow, mischievous smile spreads across his lips when he takes in your gaze avoiding his and your barely restrained fidgeting. A habit you only exhibit when you're thinking something you shouldn't.

He saunters towards the bed, falling beside you and resting his head on his pillow before he throws his arms open wide. You eye him hestitantly and he scoffs.

"What no cuddles for your favourite person in the galaxy or have you replaced me so soon?" He laments teasingly as you roll your eyes.

"Who is it that dares steal my best friend from me! Was it Finn? I bet it was Finn. You always side with him over me!" He sighs dramatically, placing a hand over his 'wounded' heart.

A smile finally cracks through your attempt to ignore him and you laugh as Poe beams proudly when you snuggle into his chest as he drags you against him. You lie face to face, basking in each other's proximity, relief from the contact palpable and your mind once again drifts to searching for a way to reveal your feelings. Poe's hand lifts to brush your hair away from your face and his eyes scan your features for any hint of discomfort, insecurity bleeding into his once familiar gestures.

"This okay?" He asks and all you can do is nod mutely, voice rendered useless as your senses are overwhelmed by his presence.

Poe is more at ease than he's been for a while as he holds you, he feels like he can breathe for the first time since the mission that caused your argument. He's home now, he's with you, he hates to admit it but as days crawled by in his cell he'd began doubting he'd ever get to hold you again. He'd broke under the cover of night, hiccuping through salty tears as he grew convinced his last memory of you would be him making you cry. He has to shake himself mentally to bring him back to the here and now. Right now he's safe and he's cared for, in the arms of his entire galaxy and he can finally just relax.

Your fingers are slipping through his wet curls, his eyes dragging shut against his will as you heal all his hurts with each light tug.

"Stars I've missed you." He murmurs, moving closer to press his forehead against yours, eyes sliding open lazily when he hears your small gasp.

Warm honeyed eyes watch you warily as he discovers a nervous expression on your face, causing his heart to twinge in fear. He doesn't like it when something makes you nervous, he's learned that not many things can do that.

"Poe I need to tell you something" You whisper and his breath stutters in his chest as you move closer, hands slipping from his hair to cup his cheeks as your anxious gaze meets his. He nods, urging you to speak and bringing his hands up to engulf yours in what he hopes is an encouraging gesture. He tries to not show you he's worried but what could have shaken you when only moments before you'd been laughing?

He braces himself for whatever news you're about to drop on him but no amount of preparing can ready him for the blow to his chest when you're eyes finally grow bold and your lips form three little words.

"I love you."


	4. A Collision Of Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've arrived at the final chapter! I want to thank everyone who's supported this fic and I really hope this chapter hits the spot for those who've waited to see what happens.  
> There will be a short epilogue after this because if I'm gonna give my babies a happy ending then I'm gonna go all out with it!  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

_"Poe" You whisper and his breath stutters in his chest as you move closer, hands slipping from his hair to cup his cheeks as your anxious gaze meets his. He nods, urging you to speak and bringing his hands up to engulf yours in what he hopes is an encouraging gesture. He tries to not show you he's worried but what could have shaken you when only moments before you'd been laughing?_

_He braces himself for whatever news you're about to drop on him but no amount of preparing can ready him for the blow to his chest when you're eyes grow bold and your lips form three little words._

_"I love you."_

Time stands still and Poe is pretty sure he's choking on his own breath. Fuck, why can't he breathe? You're staring at him, nervous expectation written all over your face but all he can offer you is a look of wild confusion and panic. You've just told him you love him, he's dreamed of this moment for years, he should be thrilled but no. This isn't right, the words feel wrong or maybe more accurately, they make him feel wrong. He feels nauseous.

He definitely feels ill as a pit opens up in his stomach whilst he studies you intently. You look terrified and your hands tremble in his as they loosely hold yours against his face, to him you don't look like someone who's in love. More like someone who's just saying it out of guilt, like some sort of personal sacrifice because you feel responsible for what happened to him and maker if that doesn't have him feeling like his heart has splintered.

He's wanted nothing else except being in your arms for over a week but now he pulls back, pushing your hands away like they've burned him. His eyes close in pain as he sits up to lean against the headboard of his bed.

"Please." His voice cracks, causing him to swallow harshly against the lump in his throat. "Please don't say that to me, not when you don't mean it."

He feels you scramble up until you sit facing him, voice strained as you speak.

"I do mean it Poe." You urge but he's shaking his head at you as tears prick at his eyes.

"Not the way I do."

You suck in a shaky breath and his eyes open blearily as he observes you trying to search for the words that may convince him.

"Poe…"

He doesn't want to hear it, can't bare having you offer up hollow affections out of some sick sense of duty as his best friend.

"Dont!" He yells, throwing himself viciously from the bed to storm to the other side of the room, away from you. "Just stop, I don't want this! I get that you don't really feel the same way, I get that I've made our friendship awkward now and I'm sorry for fucking everything up but please, please don't pretend you love me the way I love you."

He falls silent as he shoves a hand through his hair and tugs at the curls in frustration.

"I know things won't ever go back to the way they were." He says bitterly. "But you don't need to lie, I'll never hold you not loving me against you. I'd rather have you in my life as only my friend than not have you in my life at all."

The outburst seems to drain the little energy he's returned home with as he sags back against his door in defeat. His eyes falling shut as his head thumps on the durasteel and the tension bleeds from his system, leaving behind a weary shell in place of his usual golden radiance as you gape at him. You knew there was a high chance that Poe might not believe you but you never expected him to deny the possibility so vehemently.

You'd be offended that he imagines you capable of such a lie if it wasn't technically your fault he was convinced his feelings were one sided in the first place. Who wouldn't take a person running away when you tell them you love them as the ultimate rejection?

With shaky legs you fumble your way off the bed and slowly creep towards Poe, hands held infront of you in a display mean't to show you mean no harm and it's almost like you're approaching a wounded animal rather than your best friend. His eyes flutter open to watch you wearily as you draw near and you could cry at the raw vulnerability you find in their depths.

When you finally stand before him you hesitantly raise unsteady hands to cup his cheeks, a hushed noise of content bubbling in your throat when he instinctively nuzzles into your palm. You take a deep breath and edge closer, making sure his eyes are locked on yours as you speak.

"Poe Dameron you listen to me. I have never and will never lie to you. Unless you count me not telling you about my feelings until now, which is more withholding the truth if you think about it." You say matter of factly. "Oh and there was that one time I took your x-wing out for a test run without asking and- wait, shit I'm getting off topic aren't I?"

There's a small spark of light returning to his eyes and his lips twitch slightly as you babble. He knew you'd lied about that particular event all along, he could smell your perfume in the cockpit when he'd been tinkering around the next morning and he just couldn't find it in himself to be angry when your scent mixing with his was making his head dizzy and his chest warm.

"Anyway my point is I will never lie to you about this." You barrell on. "I love you Poe, I have loved you from the moment you charmed your way into my life, I will love you until the last breath leaves my body and when our souls become stars in the sky together I will continue to love you for the rest of eternity." Tears gather and drip from your chin as he absorbs your words, wide eyed and breathless.

"You are everything." You choke.

Through a watery gaze you wait with bated breath as he tries to work through what you've said, you've just completely laid yourself bare and it's floored him. His eyes blink rapidly and you spy a tell tale shine before he lowers his head.

"But your ran." He whispers brokenly and you sigh, cursing yourself for letting your fear control you.

"I was afraid." You admit faintly. "I thought if I allowed myself to love you and be loved by you it would end in heartbreak and death. Everyone who gets close to me either runs or dies, I couldn't take it anymore. I thought if I kept to myself here I'd be okay but you demanded otherwise." You laugh and Poe's lips curve into a light smile.

"Loving you was inevitable, it's not like it snuck up on me, it straight up sucker punched me in the chest. Even then I figured if you didn't know it wouldn't cause any harm, but then you told me you loved me and I…I panicked." You finish lamely and you're almost scared to look at his face, ashamed and convinced he'll think you're nothing but a coward.

You prepare to withdraw, hands retreating from his cheeks when he surprises you. His hands come to clasp yours, holding them firmly in place as honeyed eyes roam hesitantly over every inch of your face.

"You really love me." Wonderment colours his voice and you know it's more of a statement than a fact but you answer him anyway.

"I really do." You breathe.

You barely finish your sentence before he surges forward and crushes his lips to yours, fingers curling around your own as they stroke his stubbled cheeks. He's almost frantic at first, years of built up desire exploding through his blood before he manages to set a more languid pace and oh, this is what fear had you missing out on? His lips are plush and petal soft against yours, making your head swim in ecstasy.

Your breath is punched from your lungs when he nibbles your lower lip, gently sucking it into his mouth to soothe the ache with his tongue. You open up for him and he groans at the taste of you as he slips his tongue inside to explore the hot cavern of your mouth.

When the need for air becomes to great Poe rests his forehead against yours, nudging your nose with his as he graces you with a blinding smile and if you weren't already head over heels in love with him then you certainly are now. There's a beautiful glow to his cheeks and his eyes sparkle in the dim light of his quarters. He looks breathtaking and completely and utterly lovestruck as he grins at you.

He pulls you flush against him and dips his head to kiss you senseless as his hands discover multiple ways to have you shivering for him. Moaning into his mouth as his fingers electrify your skin, you can feel him smirking against your lips before he tightens his grip on your waist and spins you around to shove you against the door. He pins you with his body, letting you feel every inch of him sculpted and warm as he presses into you and holy shit, he feels divine, you blossom into life beneath his touch as his proximity engulfs you and fills your head so full of him you feel like you could faint.

There's something mouth wateringly hard nudging against you and your knees buckle when you hips jerk into his and he groans hungrily into your mouth. The sound he makes ignites a fire in your belly that has you yearning to hear it again as you continue to move against him but Poe wrenches his mouth away, eyes wild and unfocused as he fights for control that slips through his fingers the longer you look at him like that.

Your chest is heaving, eyes glossy with need as you stare at him and Poe has always thought you were beautiful but right now you look absolutely ethereal in your desire for him. You reach to yank him back towards you but he stops you, cupping your cheeks carefully with his hands.

"Sweetheart wait." He rasps. "Is this moving to fast? I don't want to do anything you might regret after."

His concern melts your heart, he's practically trembling against you with want but he's still worried about you. Stars, how could you not love this man. You press a gentle kiss to his lips, his eyes softening as he basks in your affection.

"If you want to wait we can wait but I want you Poe, I'm tired of trying to ignore how much I want you. And if you want me to then I'm yours." You say softly, face warming as he groans and falls back into you, peppering kisses across your jaw and down your neck befor his teeth graze your collarbone.

"Fuck, baby, you have no idea how much I want you." He whispers hotly against your skin as his hands slide over your body, kneading your flesh and fanning the flames that roar to life in your belly. You whimper against him, hands clutching at his shoulders to steady yourself as you stare into black,lust blown eyes.

"Show me." You urge.

A growl tears free from his throat as he lunges at you, hands pinning your wrists above your head as he claims your lips in a searing kiss. His hips rock into yours as he ravages you, tongue licking into your mouth and drinking down every moan he pulls from your shaky lungs. Desperation courses through your veins as you thrust your fingers blindly into his curls, tugging them deliriously as you pant against his lips and swallow his groans when he shivers in delight at your rough treatment.

"Poe please."

The ache between your thighs has become a needy throb and you feel like you'll split apart at the seams if you don't have his skin against yours soon. His hands trail a blazing path down your arms, slowing down to teasingly carress the sides of your breasts before worshipping your belly and your sides. You whine against his mouth, trying to encourage him to move quicker but he only draws back to wink at you cheekily as he smooths over your hips and grabs large handfuls of your ass to yank you tightly against him. His cocky grin soon melts from his face when he hisses as you scratch your nails down his back

"Fuck, sweetheart." He grits as he grabs the back of your thighs and you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist. His clothed length fully presses against your core and you both gasp as his hips buck against yours, you move against him desperately as his head falls into the crook of your neck and he sucks kisses into the sensitve skin.

You can't get enough of how he feels against you, fingers dancing over the exposed skin of his shoulders and your nails biting into his arms as he licks a stripe up the column of your throat. You pepper kisses into his shoulder and neck as he tilts his head with a needy sigh to grant you access, his skin is soft and smells so perfectly of him as you whisper your love into it, knowing he can feel every word you mouth against him.

You feel so full of light you think you might float away if Poe wasn't anchoring you to him. He pulls his head back to meet your gaze and swallows thickly whilst his heart hammers against his ribs as you let every ounce of love you have for him burst from your soul and wrap around you both. He's overwhelmed, throat tight and lost for words so he presses his lips against yours and pours everything he is into the kiss.

The air is thick with tension as the atmosphere becomes charged with emotion, what was first just raw desire has morphed into something much more.

"Poe I need you." You breathe against his lips, brushing your nose along his as he shudders in your arms. He delicately brings one of you hands to his mouth and tenderly lays a kiss on your wrist as his warm eyes soothe the fire in your veins.

"I know baby, I know, I've got you." He murmers pulling away from the door and carrying you to his bed. Poe lays you down like your made of the most precious material in the entire galaxy, hovering over you cautiously before you roll your eyes at him playfully and drag him down on top of you.

You can't help the contented sigh that escapes your lips at the weight of him against you, like always you fit together perfectly, destined to hold one another you remember thinking once upon a time and oh how you're right.

"I love you." Poe whispers, breaking you gently from your reverie and your heart pounds in your chest from the amount emotion he packs into his statement but you don't miss the tiny flash of insecurity that passes over his otherwise serene features.

You'll have none of that, you may of run from him once but you'll never be that stupid again. Your heart is his and you'll spend your entire life making sure he never doubts it again.

"I love you too." Your voice is quiet but strong, there's no mistaking the truth of how you feel and you know he hears it too. The intensity of his gaze threatens to swallow you whole and your pulse thrums beneath your skin as his eyes darken drastically, pupils swallowing up any colour as his need for you roars back to life in his veins.

He fuses his mouth together with yours, kissing you with a lazy passion that has your body thoroughly tingling beneath him before he parts from you slowly. Poe raises himself above you carefully as his hands reach for the hem of your top, eyes darting to yours for confirmation and dragging it up and over your head when you nod hurriedly. His fingers make quick work of your bra next, flinging it across the room when he manages to yank it off your arms and you hear him whistle low as his eyes rake over your exposed chest.

"Absolutely perfect." He mumbles into your skin as he laves attention across your breasts, kissing and stroking the skin before sucking a pert nipple into his mouth and gently nipping it with his teeth until your writhing beneath him.

"Quit teasing." You grumble, back arching off the bed as you try to not combust when he's only just started touching you. His resulting smile is wicked as he nuzzles his face against your ribs before giving you a mocking pout.

"As you wish baby, but I'm taking full advantage of any time I have with them later" He winks at you and you snort, shaking your head as he chuckles into your hip.

His fingers stroke along the waistband of your shorts, dipping a little bit further inside each time and you're almost about to shove them off yourself when finally he hooks a finger in each side and slips them devastatingly slowly down your legs. You're tempted to hide your face as a strange insecurity washes over you about being naked infront of your best friend but you're glad you don't when you his sharp inhale rattle in this throat.

Sneaking a look at him your mouth goes dry as he stares back at you, his eyes are devouring every inch of your body laid out before him and he looks positively feral. There's a deep, aching hunger in his eyes as they sweep over you before piercing your own and the look has white hot arousal pooling in your lower belly.

"You're so beautiful." His voice is low and husky making you squirm as you feel wetness gathering on your thighs.  
He leans back over you, pressing kisses all over your chest and neck before he delves into your mouth, masking your cry when his fingers slide into your folds.

"Fuck sweetheart you're soaked." He pants.  
Your breath stutters as any coherent thought flies from your mind and you whine brokenly as he slips two fingers into your heated entrance and uses his thumb to draw soft circles on your clit. He's whispering praises into your ear as you thrust on to his hand and his name falls from your lips like a prayer as the coil in your stomach winds ever tighter.

"Poe please I need you so bad." You beg, a sob bursting from you as his fingers speed up, stroking against the place inside you that has your entire being vibrating. You hand snaps to his wrist, stilling him before he can catapult you off that ledge and he looks at you with an adorable confusion that would make you laugh if the man hadn't just made you so damn breathless.

"No, I need you inside me now." You demand.

Poe's eyes widen as he takes in your flushed face, eyes glazed over with lust and your body shaking from withholding your release. He obeys with a nod, gently slipping his fingers from you and locking his eyes on yours before slowly bringing them to his mouth. His groan is wrecked as he laps up your juices and hearing you whimper beneath him as you're transfixed on his fingers has jolts of electricity zipping down his spine and directly to his cock.

His eyes flutter open when he feels you shift, pushing him back slightly so you can switch places with him as you lay him down gently against the pillows. You look glorious as you straddle his thighs, his clothed length twitching against you as he watches you exploring him silently. His hand reaches up to brush away the hair that's fallen across your face and his heart spasms when you nuzzle into his touch and sweetly kiss his palm.  
Stars, could he be any more in love with you?

His pulse goes haywire as your hands trace across his chest, fingers massaging his skin and making him dizzy. He hisses and his hips jolt up against yours when you scratch your nails over his nipples and down to his stomach, groaning as he tenses at the exquisite sensations of your hands carressing him. Poe's turning into a mess beneath you, moaning and thrusting as you tease the sensitve skin at the waistband of his sleep pants. Do you have any idea what you're doing to him?

From the proud glint in your eye he has a feeling you know exactly what you're doing as he stares at you in awe. You move away momentarily to rid him of his pants and he has to restrain himself from hauling you back against him, he's only had you this way for a few hours and already he's addicted to how you feel against him.

He nods at you as you look to him hesitantly before gripping the waistband in your fingers and drawing the pants down his legs. Sighing softly as his cock springs free and slaps hard against his stomach, a fire burns beneath his eyes as you crawl over him and sink into his chest to kiss him. His skin buzzes at the feel of you everywhere against him, electricity licking up his spine and making his blood sing and chokes on the air in his lungs when you slip a soft hand down past his stomach to grip him.

Poe feels like he's died and gone to heaven, surely there's no way this is real and you're actually here touching him, biting your lip as you watch heatedly whilst he pants beneath you and his cock throbs in your grasp. His head falls back against the pillows as he struggles not to cry and beg for more, thrusting wildly into your hand.

Fuck as much as he loves the feel of your fingers working him, if he doesn't stop you soon this will be over much sooner than he wants it to be. He croaks your name as you slide your thumb over his sensitive head but rather than stopping you just look at him innnocently.

"Baby I thought you wanted me inside you." He grits, sweat breaking out across his chest as you tease him.

"I do, I just wanted to touch you first, you're so beautiful Poe."

His heart jumps as he fingers wind through your hair, cradling your head as he pulls you close and carefully rolls you both over, kissing you until you're a breathless mess beneath him.

Your legs are snug around his thighs, hips pressed locked together as he looks down at you and for a moment you forget how to breathe. Poe's looking at you like you hung the very stars he was destined to fly among, face open and vulnerable as he lowers his forehead to rest against yours.

"You sure about this?" He whispers.

Brushing your lips against his you nod gently as your fingers rise to skim across his cheek.

"With you? Always."

His eyes close briefly before they slide back open, rendering you speechless with the love brimming in them. His hand slips from your hair and inbetween you and you feel his blunt head sliding through your folds as you moan softly before he lines himself up against your entrance.

He pushes in slowly, eyes never leaving yours as he slides in inch by inch. Tears gather in your eyes as your heart feels ready to leap from your chest as he fills you. A sob flies from your mouth when he bottoms out, overwhelmed as you're entwined in every possible way.

Poe wipes away the few stray tears that have scattered across your cheeks, chasing them away with gentle brushes of his lips against your face and sweet words muttered against your lips. He stays completely still as he waits for you to adjust, arms shaking but only moving once your promising your okay and pleading with him to move. You both gasp as he pulls out and thrusts back into you achingly slow, each roll of his hips soul shattering as you feel every part of his cock drag deliciously against your walls.

You babble praise as your hips rise unhurried to meet his, legs hooking around his waist to pull him further into you and you whine as the new angle allows him to thrust deeper, nudging against the spongy area, drawing a strangled scream of his name from your throat.

He kisses every inch of you he can reach and his hands never cease their worship , kneading and grasping your skin as piece by piece he unravels against you. His fingers tangle with yours either side of your head as his mouth decends upon your lips, airy sighs and whimpers passing back on forth in the breaths you share as the flames begin to burn brighter between you.

Poe knows he won't last much longer, not with the way you're fluttering and clenching so tightly, the wet heat of you has his whole body trembling as he quickly becomes enamoured with the way you feel around him.  
One of his hands snakes inbetween your bodies to sweep deliberate circles over your clit and you clamp down hard around him, throwing your head back against the pillows with a hoarse shout of his name.

You're close you can feel it, his talented fingers and intense pace have you barrelling headfirst towards euphoria and your body begins to quiver as the coil in your stomach tightens to it's limit. Sobbed pleas are flowing past your lips and Poe leans down to crash his mouth to yours.

"Shh it's okay baby, you can let go. Come for me sweetheart." He commands softly and you're entire body seizes, teetering on the edge almost as if you knew what he would say next and you needed to wait.

"I love you." He murmurs and the coil suddenly snaps.

Your voice cracks, crying his name loudly as you shatter, convulsing as tidal waves of pleasure pull you under and leave you gasping. Your vision blurs and heat singes your veins as you allow it consume you.

You feel Poe's muffled groan of your name reverberate throughout your entire being, hips stuttering when you wind your free hand into his hair and lightly yank his silky curls before dragging him into a passionate kiss. You draw back slightly, eyes fixed on his has you gently suck his lower lip into your mouth before whispering slyly.

"I love you too…Commander."

A growl rumbles up from his chest as his pace falters and his grip on your hand becomes iron, feeling him pulse and flood your walls with his warmth. His face drops to your neck as he pants and quakes against your skin, pressing gentle kisses there when his hips finally cease their jerked movements.

"Commander? Really?" He breathes and you smirk as you relish the effect your words had on him.

"I'm sorry isn't that what you pretty much ordered me to call you when we argued?" You taunt impishly.

He raises his head to look at you, eyes dazed and stunned as he shakes his head incredulously.

"Fuck you're gonna be the death of me." He rasps before attacking you with kisses, causing you to squeal and try to wriggle out from underneath him but he just catches you and hauls you back into the bed.

He laughs joyfully as you throw him him a grumpy look, dropping a kiss to your nose as he gets up to head into the fresher, re-emerging with a warm, damp cloth to clean you up. You smile softly at him as he tends to you. Poe Dameron is truly the most amazing man you havs ever met and you can hardly believe you nearly let him slip through your fingers.

He takes your chin gently when he looks up and notices your frown, his beautiful eyes touched with concern as he leans in to you.

"What's wrong? Was I too much? Did I overstep?" Poe questions, dread swirling in your gut as he tries to think how he might of upset you but his attention is turned back you when you grab his hands, shaking your head.

"No! Stars, no. It was perfect. You were perfect Poe." You reassure quietly. "I'm just really sorry for how I handled everything."  
Your voice is small as you look away and he could tell you that you had nothing to be sorry for but he knows you won't accept that so instead he shrugs, pulling you to sit on his lap as he wraps his bed covers around you both.

"I'm not. Everything happens for a reason right? And if we didn't have that fight and I didn't get captured by the First Order, we probably wouldn't be here like this now. So I'm pretty glad actually."

You stare at him in disbelief, only Poe could deliver that kind of outstanding optimism.

"So you're telling me that getting captured and tortured by the First Order is a good thing because you got laid?" You deadpan.  
His eyes shine brighter than any star as he grins at you mischeviously.

"100%. I might let them take me again next time you're pissed at me if it gets me off the hook quicker"." He smirks at you and you give him a half hearted glare as you desperately try not to let the smile break out onto your face.

"You do that and I'll personally inform Kylo Ren that he can fucking keep you." You snort. Poe actually has the audacity to gasp and clutch his heart as if he's wounded, throwing his head back into a bellowing laugh when you punch his shoulder.

"You know you'd never get rid of me for long sweetheart." He winks at you as you roll your eyes and steal a lingering kiss from his lips to shut him up before snuggling into his chest.

You'd never admit it to him, maker knows the mans ego is large enough as it is, but he was right. You never wanted to be rid of Poe, would search every inch of the galaxy for him if he ever disappeared and drag his sorry ass back home to you. The two of you are the best team in the Resistance, best friends through everything and now the owners of each other's hearts.

Poe is your everything and you are his.


End file.
